Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’ve always resisted the idea that the behavior of other people can be the deciding factor for my own behavior. I’m an individual, and nobody controls the way I behave! The notion that someone else could easily influence the things I do makes me uncomfortable.
It’s not that I’ve wanted to entirely reject the effect social factors can have on behavior. Obviously, our behavior is influenced by certain external factors. But the idea that these would be the primary influence on how I behave is what I’ve resisted, because of what that implies. And I’ve been successful, for the most part, until an encounter the other day.
I was flying from Johannesburg to New York when I ordered a glass of sparkling wine. This may seem insignificant, but it wasn’t for me. The truth is, I don’t even like sparkling wine. Yes, I’ll have glass of champagne at a celebration, but I’ve never voluntarily ordered sparkling wine. Also, being in coach class on an airplane, I knew that any sparkling wine being served would be the alcoholic equivalent of a Cup Noodle. Yet somehow, when the flight attendant asked what I would like to drink, “sparkling wine, please” rolled off my lips. I sat there stupefied, staring at this drink I didn’t want and had no desire to actually consume.
So why did I do it?
My best guess is that the person opposite me ordered sparkling wine, and I simply copied them. There were some other factors: I was tired and more easily influenced, the drink was free with my ticket, and I had no strong drink preference. But still, I ordered a drink I neither liked nor wanted just because I’d heard another person ask for it. In that moment, I had to accept that external factors could have much more influence over my behavior than I would like. I’d like to think I’m unusual in this, but I suspect I’m not.